The Conversation
Mick knew they had to do this, for the sake of their peace of mind, but now that the hour was upon them he was having second thoughts. And third and fourth. He needed a little more time to get his thoughts together, to decide on his approach. He just really didn’t want to, to be honest. It was bound to be emotional and sincere and all that… stuff… that he and Josef were so careful to omit from their everyday dealings with each other. They were best friends, but not… mushy. He couldn’t imagine how Josef had managed to talk himself into taking the first step, because he despised that kind of stuff even more than Mick did, but he’d somehow managed to work himself up to initiation this talk… this conversation… that had become oh so necessary.
Mick decided right then and there that he would like to avoid it at all costs.
But that was, apparently, not to be.
He moved toward the door as he felt Josef approach from the other side, but stopped a couple of feet away.
And discovered that he, Mick St John, was a coward.
C’mon, Mick. Open the door. Just open the door. You can do it. Get this over with and open the damned door.
He’d never been very good at self-motivation.
Josef didn’t bother knocking. They each knew the other was just on the other side.
"Open the door, Mick." Josef unknowingly – or maybe not so unknowingly… that would bear thinking about later – echoed Mick’s thoughts. Mick could feel Josef’s amusement, and his own lips quirked up in a half-smile in response.
"I don’t want to."
"Sorry to hear that."
"Can’t we do this later?"
"It is later, Mick."
"If I don’t open the door will you go away?"
"Nope."
"What if I pay you?"
"I’m already rich."
"Well… I guess I might as well just open the door then."
"Might as well."
Mick unbolted the door and pulled it open to see Josef standing calmly in wait. Josef cocked his head a little the side and smiled.
"Hi, Mick."
"Hello, Josef."
Josef stepped through the doorway, brushed past Mick, and proceeded into the room. He sat in the living room chair and propped his feet up onto the low table in front of him.
"Please, come in," Mick said with a wry touch of sarcasm as he pushed shut the door.
"Thanks," Josef replied, no slouch himself in the sarcasm department. "Don’t mind if I do."
Mick put his hands in his pockets, took them out, put them back them in. He took a few steps into the room, then stopped. He was a complete loss. His vampire instincts said he should be calm and comforted by the presence of his sire. His human instincts told him to avoid the awkwardness of this discussion – or more importantly, the issues it would force him to face. He was at war with himself.
He decided to plead ignorance, knowing full well it wouldn’t fool the one man who could sense his feelings, maybe even his thoughts.
"So," he hedged. "What’s up?"
The smile Josef gave him was at once indulgent and knowing. "C’mon, Mick. You know what’s up. You feel the changes too. We have to talk about this."
Mick tried once more. "About what?"
"About last night’s football scores."
"What?" Mick started, caught off guard.
"You know what. We can’t keep going on like this. Neither of us is happy or at ease, and if we ignore it, we’ll both soon be plain miserable."
Mick gave up pretense. "It’s been two weeks and we’re doing okay. Right? Why now? Why do you all of a sudden, for the first time in over four hundred years, have the urge for a heart to heart?"
"We’re not okay, Mick. We’re not doing badly yet, but we’re not okay and it’s only going to get worse if we don’t face it. It’s not something we can hide from. And as for why now… that’s my own fault. We should have done this two weeks ago when we first knew the turning took the way it did. When we first felt the bonding. But I’m here now. And as for why? Because it’s my job. That’s my role in all this and I intend to do my duty to the fullest extent."
Mick couldn’t explain the sharp pang of… something… at the thought that Josef was here only because he felt he had a job to do. But he pushed it down, and instead, he snorted.
"Duty? Your duty? C’mon, Josef. All of a sudden, you’re the little vampire Boy Scout?"
Josef tilted his head. "Vampire Boy Scout? I think that’s more my style of one-liner. I like it. Mind if I keep it for future use?"
"Be my guest," Mick replied, knowing full well he’d just condemned himself to hearing that phrase – and any possible variations – turned against him for at least the next century.
Josef dropped his feet from the table to the floor, sat forward in the chair, and rested his elbows on his knees. All amusement had vanished in the place of this ultra-serious pose, and Mick sighed in resignation at Josef’s stare. Knowing it was time to get down to business, he moved over to the couch, sat on the end closest to Josef, and mirrored his pose. It bothered him a little that he couldn’t tell if he’d made the mature decision himself or if the fledgling instinct had kicked in at knowing what his sire wanted and expected from him.
They were silent for a few seconds, neither sure where to begin and each hoping the other would go first.
Finally, Mick sat back, the slight distance doing nothing to alleviate the emotions he was trying not to sense from Josef. Josef carried himself with an intimidating air at the best of times, and now that Mick could sense him so much more powerfully because of their link, any emotion stronger than amiability became overwhelming. Especially if it was aimed at him.
"You start," Mick demanded. Because you’re the one who’s forcing this. That silent thought rose between them, and Mick instantly hoped that Josef couldn’t really be so powerful as to read his thoughts. That could make life difficult.
"Okay," Josef agreed, but still said nothing.
Mick realized that Josef was just as unsure about this as he was. Uncertainty not being one of the emotions he felt swirling around in Josef, Mick realized the elder vampire must have the ability to hide things from him, even across their link. Mick knew he himself did not yet have that power and wondered why the thought of Josef being able to made him uneasy.
Mick raised an inquiring eyebrow – well? – waiting for him to begin (but wishing he’d just leave it and go home.)
"Don’t rush me," Josef snapped. "I took the first step by coming here. That’s as far as I planned."
"You could go home and plan the rest, come back later," Mick joked, but hopefully.
"Hmph," Josef grunted good-naturedly. "That’s my boy, always with a solution."
"Anything to help."
Josef caught Mick’s eyes suddenly, and asked, "How have you been sleeping?"
"What?"
"You look tired. Like you haven’t been sleeping well."
Mick said nothing but his silence answered for him. Yeah, he was really going to have to look into that possible mind reading thing.
"It’s been five days since you last came to see me," Josef continued. "You were coming every two or three, at least."
"You’re keeping track? I’m flattered."
Josef didn’t take the intended bait and Mick squirmed under the intensity of his friend’s too-serious gaze.
"So what?" Mick asked, a tad defensively when Josef remained silent. "You worried I won’t get enough beauty sleep?"
It was meant to be another joke, a deflection of Josef’s observing stare, but it came out with too much of an edge.
Josef still didn’t speak, just kept staring. Mick could feel it, boring down into his bones. He wanted to shout, Stop it! Stop looking at me like you can see my soul.
"You wanted to talk, so talk." He was beginning to feel agitated, irritated. Out of sorts. He began tapping his thumb on the arm of the couch and shaking one leg nervously. He couldn’t take that stare any longer. He couldn’t, and neither could the fledgling inside of him. He looked away.
"Why are you here if you have nothing to say? This was your idea."
Still nothing.
Mick tried a different tack. "I’m okay, you know. I don’t need you."
The older vampire remained silent - How long could he possibly last? – but Mick finally got a reaction from him, albeit a small one. Josef raised one eyebrow. Mick felt a childish thrill of victory at the tiny gesture, but it was at vanquished at when he realized what he’d said and how it sounded.
He awkwardly backpedaled. "I mean, I need you as my friend. You’re a good friend. But that’s all I need, Josef. Really. This… thing… between us. It doesn’t have to mean anything. We can go on as usual."
Mick waited for a response but got nothing. Josef’s eyes narrowed only slightly and he intensified his gaze. Mick felt a sudden, hot burst of anger.
"Stop it," he demanded hotly "How can you sit there like a rock and just look at me? I can feel you. I know you’re not that stoic. And don’t think I don’t know why you’re really here! I can take care of myself. I don’t need you. I don’t need you to take care of me!"
No more than two or three minutes had passed since Josef had begun his little staring game but to Mick it felt like eternity. He was shaking now, with anger and – if he was being honest with himself – a little trepidation. Friend or not, Josef was not usually one to allow something he might see as opposition, and now they had the sire/fledgling instincts of dominance and submissionto add into the mix. Mick waited for Josef’s inevitable reaction. When it came, it was the one reaction he hadn’t been prepared for.
Josef smiled in triumph.
And Mick realized he’d been led. He wanted to shout at Josef. Yell. Maybe even kick and scream. But what good would that do? None at all, and it would probably just worsen the situation. But he still had a point to make.
"I’m serious, Josef," he said in a calmer state. "I don’t need your help. I’m fine. I just need to deal with things in my own time, in my own way. I’m okay."
Maybe if he said it enough times he’d begin to believe it himself. Josef obviously wasn’t buying it.
"And I don’t need you to take care of me."
Josef gave a barely perceptible nod of his head and finally broke his silence.
"And therein lies the problem, my friend."
TBC
Mick knew they had to do this, for the sake of their peace of mind, but now that the hour was upon them he was having second thoughts. And third and fourth. He needed a little more time to get his thoughts together, to decide on his approach. He just really didn’t want to, to be honest. It was bound to be emotional and sincere and all that… stuff… that he and Josef were so careful to omit from their everyday dealings with each other. They were best friends, but not… mushy. He couldn’t imagine how Josef had managed to talk himself into taking the first step, because he despised that kind of stuff even more than Mick did, but he’d somehow managed to work himself up to initiation this talk… this conversation… that had become oh so necessary.
Mick decided right then and there that he would like to avoid it at all costs.
But that was, apparently, not to be.
He moved toward the door as he felt Josef approach from the other side, but stopped a couple of feet away.
And discovered that he, Mick St John, was a coward.
C’mon, Mick. Open the door. Just open the door. You can do it. Get this over with and open the damned door.
He’d never been very good at self-motivation.
Josef didn’t bother knocking. They each knew the other was just on the other side.
"Open the door, Mick." Josef unknowingly – or maybe not so unknowingly… that would bear thinking about later – echoed Mick’s thoughts. Mick could feel Josef’s amusement, and his own lips quirked up in a half-smile in response.
"I don’t want to."
"Sorry to hear that."
"Can’t we do this later?"
"It is later, Mick."
"If I don’t open the door will you go away?"
"Nope."
"What if I pay you?"
"I’m already rich."
"Well… I guess I might as well just open the door then."
"Might as well."
Mick unbolted the door and pulled it open to see Josef standing calmly in wait. Josef cocked his head a little the side and smiled.
"Hi, Mick."
"Hello, Josef."
Josef stepped through the doorway, brushed past Mick, and proceeded into the room. He sat in the living room chair and propped his feet up onto the low table in front of him.
"Please, come in," Mick said with a wry touch of sarcasm as he pushed shut the door.
"Thanks," Josef replied, no slouch himself in the sarcasm department. "Don’t mind if I do."
Mick put his hands in his pockets, took them out, put them back them in. He took a few steps into the room, then stopped. He was a complete loss. His vampire instincts said he should be calm and comforted by the presence of his sire. His human instincts told him to avoid the awkwardness of this discussion – or more importantly, the issues it would force him to face. He was at war with himself.
He decided to plead ignorance, knowing full well it wouldn’t fool the one man who could sense his feelings, maybe even his thoughts.
"So," he hedged. "What’s up?"
The smile Josef gave him was at once indulgent and knowing. "C’mon, Mick. You know what’s up. You feel the changes too. We have to talk about this."
Mick tried once more. "About what?"
"About last night’s football scores."
"What?" Mick started, caught off guard.
"You know what. We can’t keep going on like this. Neither of us is happy or at ease, and if we ignore it, we’ll both soon be plain miserable."
Mick gave up pretense. "It’s been two weeks and we’re doing okay. Right? Why now? Why do you all of a sudden, for the first time in over four hundred years, have the urge for a heart to heart?"
"We’re not okay, Mick. We’re not doing badly yet, but we’re not okay and it’s only going to get worse if we don’t face it. It’s not something we can hide from. And as for why now… that’s my own fault. We should have done this two weeks ago when we first knew the turning took the way it did. When we first felt the bonding. But I’m here now. And as for why? Because it’s my job. That’s my role in all this and I intend to do my duty to the fullest extent."
Mick couldn’t explain the sharp pang of… something… at the thought that Josef was here only because he felt he had a job to do. But he pushed it down, and instead, he snorted.
"Duty? Your duty? C’mon, Josef. All of a sudden, you’re the little vampire Boy Scout?"
Josef tilted his head. "Vampire Boy Scout? I think that’s more my style of one-liner. I like it. Mind if I keep it for future use?"
"Be my guest," Mick replied, knowing full well he’d just condemned himself to hearing that phrase – and any possible variations – turned against him for at least the next century.
Josef dropped his feet from the table to the floor, sat forward in the chair, and rested his elbows on his knees. All amusement had vanished in the place of this ultra-serious pose, and Mick sighed in resignation at Josef’s stare. Knowing it was time to get down to business, he moved over to the couch, sat on the end closest to Josef, and mirrored his pose. It bothered him a little that he couldn’t tell if he’d made the mature decision himself or if the fledgling instinct had kicked in at knowing what his sire wanted and expected from him.
They were silent for a few seconds, neither sure where to begin and each hoping the other would go first.
Finally, Mick sat back, the slight distance doing nothing to alleviate the emotions he was trying not to sense from Josef. Josef carried himself with an intimidating air at the best of times, and now that Mick could sense him so much more powerfully because of their link, any emotion stronger than amiability became overwhelming. Especially if it was aimed at him.
"You start," Mick demanded. Because you’re the one who’s forcing this. That silent thought rose between them, and Mick instantly hoped that Josef couldn’t really be so powerful as to read his thoughts. That could make life difficult.
"Okay," Josef agreed, but still said nothing.
Mick realized that Josef was just as unsure about this as he was. Uncertainty not being one of the emotions he felt swirling around in Josef, Mick realized the elder vampire must have the ability to hide things from him, even across their link. Mick knew he himself did not yet have that power and wondered why the thought of Josef being able to made him uneasy.
Mick raised an inquiring eyebrow – well? – waiting for him to begin (but wishing he’d just leave it and go home.)
"Don’t rush me," Josef snapped. "I took the first step by coming here. That’s as far as I planned."
"You could go home and plan the rest, come back later," Mick joked, but hopefully.
"Hmph," Josef grunted good-naturedly. "That’s my boy, always with a solution."
"Anything to help."
Josef caught Mick’s eyes suddenly, and asked, "How have you been sleeping?"
"What?"
"You look tired. Like you haven’t been sleeping well."
Mick said nothing but his silence answered for him. Yeah, he was really going to have to look into that possible mind reading thing.
"It’s been five days since you last came to see me," Josef continued. "You were coming every two or three, at least."
"You’re keeping track? I’m flattered."
Josef didn’t take the intended bait and Mick squirmed under the intensity of his friend’s too-serious gaze.
"So what?" Mick asked, a tad defensively when Josef remained silent. "You worried I won’t get enough beauty sleep?"
It was meant to be another joke, a deflection of Josef’s observing stare, but it came out with too much of an edge.
Josef still didn’t speak, just kept staring. Mick could feel it, boring down into his bones. He wanted to shout, Stop it! Stop looking at me like you can see my soul.
"You wanted to talk, so talk." He was beginning to feel agitated, irritated. Out of sorts. He began tapping his thumb on the arm of the couch and shaking one leg nervously. He couldn’t take that stare any longer. He couldn’t, and neither could the fledgling inside of him. He looked away.
"Why are you here if you have nothing to say? This was your idea."
Still nothing.
Mick tried a different tack. "I’m okay, you know. I don’t need you."
The older vampire remained silent - How long could he possibly last? – but Mick finally got a reaction from him, albeit a small one. Josef raised one eyebrow. Mick felt a childish thrill of victory at the tiny gesture, but it was at vanquished at when he realized what he’d said and how it sounded.
He awkwardly backpedaled. "I mean, I need you as my friend. You’re a good friend. But that’s all I need, Josef. Really. This… thing… between us. It doesn’t have to mean anything. We can go on as usual."
Mick waited for a response but got nothing. Josef’s eyes narrowed only slightly and he intensified his gaze. Mick felt a sudden, hot burst of anger.
"Stop it," he demanded hotly "How can you sit there like a rock and just look at me? I can feel you. I know you’re not that stoic. And don’t think I don’t know why you’re really here! I can take care of myself. I don’t need you. I don’t need you to take care of me!"
No more than two or three minutes had passed since Josef had begun his little staring game but to Mick it felt like eternity. He was shaking now, with anger and – if he was being honest with himself – a little trepidation. Friend or not, Josef was not usually one to allow something he might see as opposition, and now they had the sire/fledgling instincts of dominance and submissionto add into the mix. Mick waited for Josef’s inevitable reaction. When it came, it was the one reaction he hadn’t been prepared for.
Josef smiled in triumph.
And Mick realized he’d been led. He wanted to shout at Josef. Yell. Maybe even kick and scream. But what good would that do? None at all, and it would probably just worsen the situation. But he still had a point to make.
"I’m serious, Josef," he said in a calmer state. "I don’t need your help. I’m fine. I just need to deal with things in my own time, in my own way. I’m okay."
Maybe if he said it enough times he’d begin to believe it himself. Josef obviously wasn’t buying it.
"And I don’t need you to take care of me."
Josef gave a barely perceptible nod of his head and finally broke his silence.
"And therein lies the problem, my friend."
TBC
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